My Net

Definition of net:

Cords that are woven or knotted together

A barrier

To cover, protect or surround with

Remaining after all deductions.

These girls are my net.

We are woven together. Linked arm in arm as life rages forward.

Knotted. I'd dare say double knotted :) Secure.

After the storms of life hit my life like an unexpected hurricane, these girls are the barriers that keep the water out.

They cover me in prayer.

They protect my heart.

They surround me with

laughter.

After I've been left in the dust. Alone. Abandoned. Betrayed. They remain. Always

My net. For life.

stream of consciousness

I wrote a blog called "Stream of Consciousness" about this time last year. It is a blog that I really enjoyed writing because all I did was just... write. I wrote whatever I was thinking at that moment. I went back and re-read it to see what I had to say then. I had to chuckle as I wrote about the birth of Norah. I was so worried and gave way to much attention to my fear of labor. I guess the unknown can be scary, but boy was I really scared. Apparently I am tougher than I thought! I also laughed as I described what I hoped Norah would look like. I said... and I quote..."I hope she doesn't come out with pale skin with predominately black features." Boy am I shallow and boy does God have a sense of humor. But I could never have dreamed she would be as beautiful as she is... and boy is she... in my opinion at least.

So a year has gone by and quietly sleeping in the next room is my 11 month old daughter. I know every mother at some point in time asks "how did they grow up so fast?" I ask myself that question everyday. She is my little explorer. She is into everything. She has her own opinion. She throws tantrums, wrestles with kids smaller than her (and sometimes bigger). She "talks" all the time. "Sings" along with music. Claps her hands when she hears her favorite song "The Hog Dog Song" from Mickey Mouse Clubhouse. She is a walking maniac. Can climb up stairs. She HATES her diaper being changed. She LOVES her cousin Harmony. Seriously... they are best friends. Denis and I were up late last night and we watched the clock turn 1:02. Denis whispered "Happy 11 month Norah." I seriously almost lost it. I told Denis and I am going to be a wreck when she turns one. He responded by saying "Don't do that..." Guess he doesn't like when I am a wreck. oooooooohhhhh welllllllll!

Denis and I just celebrated our 8 year anniversary in December and 10 years of togetherness in January. The loudest lesson I have learned in these past 10 years... relationships are hard work. Not just my relationship with Denis, but in every area of life. Life changes at such a rapid rate and everyone moves along at their own pace. So sometimes I feel like I have to keep up with those who are moving faster than I am, while other times I feel like I am leaving people behind. No one is going at the "right" or "wrong" pace. Just different. I have been overwhelmed with the feelings of trying to change what needs to change and keep the same what "needs" to say the same. And by "needs" I really mean want. What I WANT to say the same... but I find that is almost impossible to control. The sun rises and sets each day. The world keeps on turning at the most predictable pace, yet I have days where I feel life is moving to quick, and other days where life crawls by. Life changes. Jobs change. People get married. Some move away. Others have children and some people just...change. It is all quite difficult to balance. I have found that I stink at it.... But what I have learned to do each night is when the light goes out, in those moments of quiet before I fall asleep, I ask myself: "What did I do to be better today? A better wife. A better mom. A better co-worker. A better boss. Did I go forward or backwards or did I just stay where I was. Some days I don't like the answers to those questions, other days I do. Regardless, I am glad that I am at least I'm asking.

Sometimes I hate social networks. Facebook sometimes makes me insecure. Twitter at times makes me feel like I need to have everything right with my life in order to make a difference. Having a smart phone only adds fuel to the voices in my head that are telling me I need the accolades of others to have a reason to get out of bed each morning. On the other hand I enjoy the community it brings. The ability to connect with people I wouldn't have without it. I enjoy reading what other people are up to, I always love a good laugh and a quick stroll through my news feed usually does that for me. But these days I have found myself avoiding them in the hopes that I can find a balance between my love and hate for them.

I am currently obsessed with Raspberry Sherbet. I have a bowl almost every night before I go to bed. LOVE it! (and it is better than the Oreo phase I just went through)...

My current CD of choice: Be Lifted High from Bethel. The song "God I look to You" has been my sanity this week.

This coming Wednesday I get to spend the evening with 4 of my favorite ladies on this earth. I am so excited I can't even stand it. Craft night/dinner/Birthday Celebration with Amy, Ashley, Carrie and Rachel. It can't get here soon enough.

There is something so right in my world when my parents are in town. They are currently asleep downstairs in my living room and I love that I get to wake up tomorrow and spend the day with them.

Playing on my TV right now is the movie "The Proposal." I seem to have forgotten just how hilarious this movie is. "Congratulations...I'm a hundred"

Now... I'm going to sleep. And tonight in that quiet moment between waking a sleeping I will ask myself "What did I do to be better today?" I can boldly say I was a better wife because Denis and I took the time to go out to dinner and a movie together. Just us. It was wonderful. And I can say I was a better mother to Norah for the same exact reason. Because I heard someone say once "Your best years of Parenting will come from your best years of Marriage." Determined to show Norah that her Mommy and Daddy love each other very much.

Blessings

The song blessings by Laura Story has become my anthem. I am learning to understand that life isn't about finding happiness. It isn't about having a lot of friends or having everyone like you. Life is about finding God in the small things. Its about seeking God even when He seems hard to find. It is about loving when the butterflies are gone. It is about letting God change you and mold you into His likeness. Sometimes he does that through our pain. Through our tears. Through our joys and successes. When Jason Upton was as our church he said something that really stuck with me. He said that it is easier for us to believe that God has abandoned us rather than believe He is right there with us in our pain. How true that is... Today at our saturday morning prayer, Chris Folwell encouraged us to press past the awkwardness of our "issues" with God. Sometimes when I pray I tend to ignore the "elephant in the room." The thing I don't address with God because I know that what I feel isn't true...but i feel it anyway. That he let me down... that there are certain things in my life I feel like I can't trust him with. But lets be honest. He can't let me down. He is the most trustworthy of them all... but yet i feel these things and they hinder my growth. Chris compared it to going out to dinner with our spouse and finding you have nothing to say. Or sitting down with someone we love knowing that the conversation to come is going to be really hard. I find it easier to ignore God when I am angry with him (which as said before... sometimes I am...) because I think it will get his attention and he will just "fix" everything. Maybe someday I will learn that God allows things to happen in my life that are outside of what I find acceptable so He can reveal to me a different piece of his character. My favorite line of this song says this:

What if my greatest disappointments, Or the aching of this life
Is the revealing of a greater thirst this world can’t satisfy.
And what if trials of this life
The rain, the storms, the hardest nights
Are your mercies in disguise.

What if: it is the lingering question. the great debate. But trust is a choice. God has never asked me to trust everyone. But he has asked me to trust him. "Trust God from the bottom of your heart; don't try to figure out everything on your own. Listen for God's voice in everything you do, everywhere you go; he's the one who will keep you on track." Proverbs 3:5-6 (The Message)

"what if trials in this life are his mercies in disguise"

Here are all the lyrics of this song. If you haven't heard it yet, you tube it. You won't be disappointed.

Blessings by Laura Story

We pray for blessings
We pray for peace
Comfort for family, protection while we sleep
We pray for healing, for prosperity
We pray for Your mighty hand to ease our suffering
All the while, You hear each spoken need
Yet love us way too much to give us lesser things

‘Cause what if your blessings come through raindrops
What if Your healing comes through tears
What if a thousand sleepless nights
Are what it takes to know You’re near
What if trials of this life are Your mercies in disguise

We pray for wisdom
Your voice to hear
And we cry in anger when we cannot feel You near
We doubt Your goodness, we doubt Your love
As if every promise from Your Word is not enough
All the while, You hear each desperate plea
And long that we'd have faith to believe

‘Cause what if your blessings come through raindrops
What if Your healing comes through tears
What if a thousand sleepless nights
Are what it takes to know You’re near
And what if trials of this life are Your mercies in disguise

When friends betray us
When darkness seems to win
We know the pain reminds this heart
That this is not, this is not our home,

‘Cause what if your blessings come through raindrops
What if Your healing comes through tears
And what if a thousand sleepless nights
Are what it takes to know You’re near
What if my greatest disappointments
Or the aching of this life
Is the revealing of a greater thirst this world can’t satisfy
And what if trials of this life
The rain, the storms, the hardest nights
Are your mercies in disguise

I want to be Thankful

I have been learning about the impact two little words can make...

Thank-You.

Two words that can make someone feel special. Feel included. Feel wanted. Feel appreciated. I believe that if we start using these words more often, (to our children, to our spouse, to our friends, to our co-workers, to our employee's, to our boss, to the person who holds the door open at the store, or to the friend who gives you an unexpected gift or complement), we will open up to the door to allow God to form our heart into one that bleeds gratitude. We will find that we complain much less and love a lot more. Life is too short to live it being ungrateful for what we have and who we have in our life.

Thank-you.

Thank you Mom and Dad for dedicating your lives to your family and to your church. You are two of the hardest working human beings I know and I am incredibly honored to call you "mine"

Thank you Denis for picking me. For being in love with Jesus first and me second. Thank you for being the greatest husband and dad on earth. Norah and I are crazy about you.

Thank you to my friends who have never given up on me. Thank you for your unconditional love and support...for being there when I fall and not labeling me as a failure. But instead you get down in the dirt with me to encourage me and walk with me when I finally found the courage to stand again.

Thank you to all the beautiful people that work in the After School Program at Pearce. You make it a JOY to be at work. I think we have the best job on earth. Thank you for all your hard work and dedication. You are the greatest group of people and I am honored to lead you.

Thank you to my church for all your love and support. You are my family. Thank you for accepting me for who I am and for being some of my greatest cheerleaders. Made to Belong :)

I am thankful to be a daughter of the King. He is my rock, my shield, and my portion. I never want a day to go by where I forget to say Thank You to the Lord. Whether it is in a whispered prayer or a loud declaration. It's not enough to assume He knows. He longs to be told.